Dan Ozzi for Noisey on Justin Vernon’s imminent retirement:
You get to travel the world, playing massive venues packed to the brim with cute hipster chicks looking to get down on your Bone Iver. And then you play “Skinny Love” and the entire room’s humidity goes up from the audience collectively soaking through their polka dot rompers. If you wanted to, you could easily throw orgies where you are the default stud in a 1000-person fuckfest of Zooey Deschanel look alikes. In fact, you could probably just bang the real Zooey Deschanel if you wanted to. Actually, have you ever banged Zooey Deschanel? She was married to the dude from Death Cab For Cutie and your songs are like, a million times wussier than his!